Memorial Day Weekend Music

Our friends at McKellin's Pub are celebrating the bar's 19th anniversary over Memorial Day weekend, and I've recruited a couple of my favorite music-making compadres to help me keep things jumping at the tavern on Sunday, May 28.

Steve Doyle, Lisa DeRosia, and I recently joined forces to pay musical tribute to Kellyanne Conway and her equally fact-challenged boss. Check it out.



Alternative Facts
(M. Farmer)

Well, two plus two is five
Frederick Douglass is still alive
Vladimir Putin had nothing
To do with those hacks
Alternative facts

I was quick to condemn the Ku Klux Klan
My executive order's not a Muslim ban
They were clapping in New Jersey 
For the 9/11 attacks
Alternative facts

BRIDGE
I’ll tell you up is down and black is white
And every little thing is gonna be alt-right
The truth is gonna be whatever I say
Call me Mango Mussolini
Or just Il Duce

I really care about working class folks
Global warming is a Chinese hoax
3 Doors Down is one of our greatest
Rock-n-roll acts
Alternative facts

You know Mexico is gonna pay for that wall
My great big hands can palm a basketball
And when my audit's done
I'll tell you what I paid in tax
Alternative facts

BRIDGE
I’ll tell you up is down and black is white
And every little thing is gonna be alt-right
The truth is gonna be whatever I say
Call me Mango Mussolini
Or just Il Duce

My thoughts and prayers go out to Bowling Green
I'm the least racist person that you've ever seen
I've always had a great relationship
With the blacks
Alternative facts

I've got a real good handle on foreign affairs
We need guns in our schools to kill grizzly bears
And you know Kellyanne is the queen
Of the mendacious flacks
Alternative facts

Donald J. Twitter

Some folks spent January 1, 2017 nursing hangovers and watching college football. I spent it writing a song about Donald J. Trump and his increasingly dangerous Twitter habit.

My song, Donald J. Twitter, failed to land me a spot on the bill with 3 Doors Down and Jackie Evancho at Trump’s incredibly well-attended, record-breaking inauguration, but I have been able to perform it live from time to time in The Annoyance Theatre's ongoing production of Fuck Trump: A Collection of Songs to Demonstrate What a Horrible Person Donald Trump Is.

So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.



DONALD J. TWITTER
(M. Farmer)

CHORUS
Hey, Kellyanne, give me my phone
I’m gonna need some time alone
You know I always do my best work on the shitter
And I don’t need Meet the Press or my own Gettysburg Address
When I can climb upon my throne
And get on Twitter

VERSE
Let’s go to @realdonaldtrump
Where my old brain can take a dump
And talk about the issues of the day
From pathetic SNL to amazing Israel
When I’m on the stump
Just watch me fire away

You know it’s anybody’s guess
As to when some global mess
Is gonna overwhelm my short attention span
Oh, but I’ll be there to tweet; I’ve gotta give my base red meat
That is unless
I switch to Instagram

REPEAT CHORUS

VERSE
Well, my favorite way to tweet
Is to pick on some elite
And call him lots of kindergarten names
If he’s a third-rate loser clown, well, that’s the way I’ll take him down
Just bring the heat
Until he goes up in flames

And women ain’t immune
From the wrath of this tycoon
I’ve got 140 characters of hate
So if some beauty queen gets fat, I don’t grab her by the cat
I just lampoon
Her ever-changing weight

REPEAT CHORUS x2